It's this time of year...

That really makes me reflect and appreciate all that I have, all that I have been given.

I really am blessed.

I should just lower my standards...

They're all nice. Any one of them would make a decent boyfriend.

Well, not any one of them.

But three out of five is good enough?




It's time to cut the cord. How to get over a strong crush. Any suggestions?

Unrequited crushes

suck.

I love it when...

something unexpected springs up.

like a date.
with a smart, cute boy.
who has a motorcycle (and took me riding around town :D)

procrastination is the key to success.

Oh how I wish that was true.

Some things...

about the Army make me really sad :[

But I have my wings!

Airborne!

I am loving every minute.
Even the part where we intentionally fall off of a 3 foot block onto rocks.
I'm great at the jumping part.
Not so great at the landings.

There's a 34 foot tower we jump from here. You're strapped into a harness, and you leap out of the side of the tower and assume the postion (feet and knees together, head tucked, and elbows in) and count 'One thousand...two thousand...three thousand...four thousand!' Grab your risers and gain canopy control. I was awesome at that part, and I even got to skip the last one because my first five were perfect. The landing was a different story. I didn't have the momentum I needed to get over to the postion I need to be in, so I would use my elbows and feet to kick myself over. Of course then I'd have to redo it for safety reasons (feet and knees together!!)

This is probably a very boring post for y'all. Sorry.

Exciting part? I had two 'dates'. One was a double date on friday, and the other one turned into a group fiasco, but I had fun both times. His name is Max, and nothing can come of it, but it's fun to hang out with someone who enjoys my company.

But there's a creeper here who keeps asking me to go out and get drunk with him. He knows I'm underage, but he asks me like twice a day. He's one of those guys who if you ever date/break up with him, he becomes a stalker.

Anyways, my body doesn't hate me anymore, so I'm going to go swimming or something later.

Have a nice life.

Poker night

Not so much fun when you have two drunk girls next to you screaming for strip poker, and two horny guys who are oh so willing to comply.
I want an all guys poker night.
Is that too much to ask?

I...

lost my phone again.

I'm currently talking to a customer service lady who sounds like she got her tips fron Kelly on The Office. Shoot me in the face.

Did you ever wonder why I'm starting to be a little more antisocial?

I had hope for people until last night.
A couple came in with their small child and got drunk.
They then proceeded to leave without their child.


The little boy walked up to the host stand, tugged on the hostess' shirt, and asked where his mommy was.


They came back to get him, but not for over a half an hour.




people disgust me.

Well hello! I made about 500 working this weekend. (four doubles in a row has some perks).

I also made two dollars for dancing the cupid shuffle :)

If you can't afford a 15% tip, don't fucking eat out. It's just plain rude to give a shitty tip, especially if the waitress works hard. Ugh.

Ashley is going to apply at a gentlemans club, and I'm watching Lord of the Rings. Exciting, yes?

I don't have internet. I think that there might be computers I can use in the lobby... Hopefully.

It's a little easier everytime...

Saying goodbye.

I'll still miss everyone, but I'm just drifting away from most of the people I knew here.
I didn't see Kim at all this summer.

And it wasn't just Kim I didn't see, but she was my best friend in Maryland for over two years. It's weird that we've pretty much ceased all communication.

I don't know. I guess growing up is growing apart (especially since I live so far away...)

On the bright side, I get to see Dani and Sister all this year! (And Becca is coming down next year).

And Carly is coming to visit. (she has to. I'll have a fundraiser for it)




I had fun with you guys this summer. Have a great rest of the holiday. Relax. Enjoy life while you can.

And see you soon :]

I feel like...

Time is slipping through my fingers.
Where did my summer go?


I leave in one week.
Adios.

So this past weekend...

(*it was the past weekend when I started this, but I have ADD with my blogs, so I take forever to finish them)
I had a wonderful time at a wedding. :]

On Friday, we spent the day with Jessie and Tyler and Travis, just basically sitting around (we also went to the mall to try to find an outfit for Travis). Then it was rehearsal time. We basically had to learn about what happens at a wedding in 30 minutes. No one was paying attention, so we didn't learn much. And because the bride and groom were young, the bridal party was young, and most of us had never been to a wedding before. So, we kinda had no idea what we were doing... We went to the rehearsal dinner after that. The free food was actually pretty good. They had those edible bouquets that I have always wanted to try. They were delicious.
After the dinner, we all headed over to the place where the reception was going to be held, to help set up for the big day. They had the coolest freaking idea for desserts. They had a candy buffet. I was in love. It had pretty much every kind of candy you could possibly want.

Anyways, on Saturday, the 'big day' we were up by 7, and at the church by 7:30. Considering that we had stayed up until 2, this was not much sleep (unless you are Becca). The 'we' at the church 5 hours before the ceremony was Jess, sister, the girl doing Jess's hair. I ran across the street in shorts and a tank top to grab everyone caffeine, and I barely made it back before it started to pour. I basically sat around in makeup for 3 hours watching Travis. He's adorable, and he slept most of the time. It's weird, but I actually did my own makeup. Like, I spent 20 minutes more than everyone else trying to figure out how that eyelash curler worked, but I did it myself!
The wedding was a little hectic. The ring bearer didn't have his pillow/the rings, the flower girl refused to leave her mom, and wouldn't throw flowers down the aisle, and Jess kept tripping over her dress. Also, the maids of honor (sister/Casey) and best man didn't have any clue what they were supposed to do during the ceremony.
and there was no "Kiss the bride"
but, other than that, it was pretty nice :]

The reception was pretty awesome. The guy who walked down the aisle with me, Jesse, who I had never met in my life, was a pretty nice guy. He cornered me during the reception, while I was on my way to dance, and said he wanted to take pictures with me. His parents snapped like 20 pictures of me and him, and me and them, and just me. Awkward. Then they asked a bunch of questions about me, like they were testing me if I was good enough for their son. Then they said, "You kids have fun tonight" winked at me, and left. It made me giggle.
I danced a lot at the reception. Let me tell you, 4 inch heels + cotton eye Joe = not so much fun for the feet...

After the reception, we went back to the hotel and changed into swim suits with the full expectation of soaking our swollen feet in the hot tub for a few days, but we were intercepted by a phone call from Jess. They were hiding in their room, and had just changed rooms (and had a secret name they were under) so that no one would be able to find them. They invited us over, we had some amazing take out, and opened the wedding presents and cards and such. They got over $7000. Who wants to marry me right now?

The next day, we distracted Travy while Jess and Tyler made a run for it (they were staying the night at a fancy hotel an hour away). Honestly, it was harder for Jess to get away then it was for Travis to see them go. We took Travis to the mall, and every time he saw a balloon, he said "UP!" and wanted me to get it down for him. I was ready to take one just sitting in the pet store, but April said I was retarded.
Apparently, Travis is one of those babies who hates getting changed. Hates putting on clothes. Hates getting a new diaper on. The first time I saw Jess change him, and then try to put his clothes on, he flipped out, and started bawling. So, when he did that to me, I just told him that I wasn't going to take that, and that he was going to get dressed whether he wanted to or not. Sister helped me get it on. After the first time, he stopped crying. I don't think he understood, but he knew I wasn't mommy, and I wouldn't stop just because he cried.
Also, he does this thing where he hits his head on something if he's not getting his way. I hated seeing him do it, but I didn't want to give in, so I turned my back to him very deliberately, and he stopped right away.

Overall, this little method of organic birth control was very effective.

April has sworn of children forever.

I finally learned just how much work and time is required for a baby. I know that I won't be ready for that unless I'm in a stable, healthy, marriage. I think I could make a good mom, but I know that won't be for a while.
I'm sorry to say this Becca, but I think I do want to have a kid.


And you're going to babysit.







I think my momma and I are going for a ride now.
okBAI!

Drama drama drama.

But Travis is a cutie :)

I haven't done much with this.

I never really expected to anyways.
But I was going through a rough patch when I started this, and I hoped it would help.

I think it did?
I can't really say one way or the other...

Am I too wishy-washy?
I feel like sometimes I am. Like I try to hard to please other people, and therefore don't form concrete opinions like any normal person with a spine would.
Hopefully I'm not like that.

I'm trying extra hard lately to assert myself more often. I think it comes out rude. A lot. (Becca can attest to this).
I think that this ROTC thing is effecting my life more than I originally thought possible (also, is it supposed to be affecting in this sentence? I am horrible with this sort of thing, and I hate getting it wrong. It always feels wrong.)


In other news, there's a wedding this weekend.
They're already married, but they're doing it again. And to be perfectly honest, it kind of bothers me. If they're so madly in love, why should they care if everyone comes out to celebrate it? They're already married legally, have been for a little over a year. It's not some little party they're throwing. It's a full out, 250+ people attending, event. Eh. Who am I to judge? I've never been in that situation.
I do feel bad for Jessie though. She's having a wedding this week, and then Tyler (the hubby) is finishing his (HIGH SCHOOL) finals, graduating, and shipping out to boot camp. He'll be gone for 8 months - a little over a year. She's one of those girls who has to be in constant contact with her boy, so this is going to be hard for her. At least she has Travis (who is my godson, and I am going to take a little time to brag about him, even though I have no hand in raising him. He's a little over 14 months old right now, and he can already run! He's kind of talking, and he is learning how to golf, or at least learning how to hit his loving godmother in the head with a plastic golf club. Okay, well, I'll tell you more about him at a later date, because I get to baby sit him this weekend :D :D :D).



Also, if you have not seen Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, I suggest you watch it right now.
It's on hulu, or on drhorrible.com.
Or, if you hate watching things on the computer for over 30 minutes, then text me, and I'll be happy to lend out my copy (as long as I get it back). It's pretty much amazingness in the form of a short movie.

(The hammer is my penis.)
:]


I think that's all I have to say for now. I just wanted to check in with you guys, I know it has been a while since I've posted anything on here (even though my pointless babble has no real sustenance, I do appreciate you taking five minutes from your day to acknowledge my existence).


I love you?
(well, maybe not)
-hunk

This is carly shreck the cooliest girl in the world

I am...

Never getting married.

Weddings are too complicated and expensive, and I won't be able to make everyone happy, so I won't be happy.

I'm going to be an old maid who sits on her front porch with a paintball gun and shoots kids who come too close to her house.




In other news, I'm going to OC tomorrow for a senior week reunion, graduation Thursday for sister and the rest of the seniors, and party Friday, stuff that I can't remember for the weekend, and a wedding to try to shield from drama in 2 weeks.
get excited.

So, I don't know if y'all have seen these or not, but yesterday I discovered electronic cigarettes.

WTF?
Really?
What is the purpose?
Okay, so you can 'smoke' indoors. woot woot. Why would you want to? I saw the guy using it, and I just about puked. I turned to my mom, "Mom, don't they have rules against that in Maryland? That's just gross. And he thinks he's cool. Poor delusional guy."
she had to explain that they weren't real. Who the heck would want a fake cigarette? Hell, who would want a real one?



Okay, so I'm done.
Just wanted to get on and say a little hi to everyone, and let you know that I love you all very much :]


Okay.
Have a nice life.

As much as I love...

Corpus Christi, I am very glad to be home.

It's one of those things where, I'm happy while I'm there, but then I come home, and I can't believe how I functioned there. Everything just feels better while I'm here, you know?

This isn't going to be a long or exciting post.
Sorry.

I will think of something more interesting to elaborate on next time.
But for now, keep this in your hearts:

Banana hammock.

That is all.

:]

I come home tomorrow!!!!!! (techniquely, since it's tuesday right now)

I work a double later today.



I should probably start packing...

lolz.

They think I'm good with kids.
They're giving me a special job where I teach Joe's 'Crab University'.


And I come home in 4 days :]

:]

I made $192 in tips yesterday :]

I don't have internet. This sucks. But three finals and I'm done :) Coming home the 20th :D

Here's to hoping I don't get the piggyflu!

Also, boys suck.
I blame you.
Yes, you.

Setting the bar so fucking high.

I feel like...

poo.

But I get to see the wonderful Becca Bazemore tomorrow, so be jealous :D

I can't wait...

Until I'm old and have alzheimers so that I forget about the game.

With my luck, it's going to be the last thing to go though :/




I also can't wait until Friday :D
(Becca is coming!)

At my job...

My manager likes me (as a worker)! It didn't even take a full week for him to know I'm awesome :D

Of course, it couldn't be perfect. The guys in the kitchen asked how old I was today. When I said 18, one of them said, "See I told you she's not 14." fml.

But I'm good at balancing food trays. So, win.

And now I'm tired. And Kandra is here. So I'm going to go chillax with them.
Have a nice life.

You can all suck it. Becca Bazemore is visiting me in a week. Be jealous.

I have three tests today. Pray for me.

Today...

Someone screwed up at work, so I got a free crab bucket when I got off. Chesapeake style :D (means it had old bay on it)

It needed more old bay, but I wasn't about to complain. It was FREE :]


Tomorrow is going to suck.
Chem test.
History test.
Bio TLA* (*quiz that takes the whole class)
Calc test.
fml.


Military ball on saturday. BECCA (and my family, actually) come in one week :D

Be jealous.
I wish I could spend more time with Becca, but hopefully she does ROTC next year, and I'll see enough of her then :]

I GOT AIRBORNE!!!! I leave for camp from corpus on August 12th.
:D


I want to start packing now. Think it's too early?

I lost the game. Sorry. But I didn't feel like sending a mass text (like I usually do)

I'm sitting at my computer, texting in my blog. I'm watching Chuck! Be jealous. Also, I'm going to be late for chem. Oh well.

So, I'm not great at my job. I'm alright so far (second day). I'm here now. I like texting in my posts :)

I can post from my phone now. No idea why I'd want to, but I can, so suck it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I MIGHT GET TO GO TO AIRBORNE IN AUGUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

Sorry.

Today is fantastic!
Sister comes in in a few hours!! :D
I got a 276 on my PT test!
I might go to Airborne!
Life is good :]


(and 4/22)

I got bitchslaped...

By a kayak yesterday at the beach.


I has a headache now :/

what do you think of...

http://www.tattoojohnny.com/tattoo-design-view.asp?sku=VVF-03023&k=gecko&page=13&prods=EDF-00055,AAF-02882,AAF-02976,AAF-06388,AAF-06391,AAF-06399,CHF-00445,PLF-01099,VVF-03023,VVF-03052,VVF-03086,VVF-03092,&currentimage=8

?
I like it.




I think I want it.

So, a monster is probably not the best choice of beverage at the moment...

Well Hi there!
I haven't posted on here in close to a month.
I swear, I've started around 10 posts, gotten two lines in, and realized I have nothing interesting to say to anybody.

I guess I could talk about life right now?

Well, I'm slacking a little in classes. I can bring it up, but I don't think my gpa is going to be as stellar as it was last semester. No big deal. I'll bring it up.

But, Airborne was squished. Not only was the slot I wanted taken, but even if it wasn't, my calc teacher said there was no way he'd let me make up the final (I would have to leave before finals week). Whatever. Maybe I'll do that instead of CULP next summer (that is, assuming I get CULP).
You probably have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, and have consequently stopped reading (or at least stopped paying attention to what you're reading). It's cool. I would too.

I'm listening to Who Knew. I like this song, but it makes me really sad.

By the way, as long as I'm doing the endorsement thing right now, if you have yet to see Madagascar 2, or Thank You for Smoking, I suggest you get off your fat butt and go borrow them from your nearest public library. (I just watched them a few days ago). And Seven Pounds. And Will Smith is hot. (too bad I'm already married to John Cusack).

Yes, my brain is not working right now. Please ignore me.

Actually, I'm having one of those weeks where it feels like you're not really there. Everything is distracting, and my head is in a fog. It might have something to do with the fact that I'm sick. I thought I was getting a cold, but I doubt this is a cold. I'm coughing my lungs up, I can't breath in deeply without my chest rumbling, I can't breathe out of my nose, and my head feels like it's inflated.

It was funny in pt the other morning though. We were doing a competition, Islander Olympics! And one of the events was
THUNDER!
Sorry.
I like thunderstorms :D
aaaanyyways...
the event was a sprint workout. Sprint to the end, do pushups, sprint back, tag you're next, that kind of thing, you know? I hope you do. My story makes (more) sense if you know. Well, I had just finished one thing, and I couldn't stand anymore, so I sat against the wall, and coughed for a little bit. When it was my turn again, I still wasn't breathing right, but I went anyways and my arms and legs went tingly and numb. Alba says it means I didn't get enought oxygen to them. I liked it (until I felt myself blacking out, and I had to do the head between your knees thing).

:D it's raining.

Another one of the events was a pullup competition. I totally wrecked in that. It was buddy assisted, and my buddy is super strong, so he basically threw me up in the air 40ish times. It was great (and he looks like The Rock. super cute, and super married). We won that event. But tied for second (out of four) overall.
The winning team was totally stacked.

I just realized I listen to some sad music.

There's an orange golf ball on my desk that was stolen for me at a minigolf place.
Just thought you'd enjoy that tidbit.
And a monster.
There's a monster right next to me.
With me being sick and dehydrated, not the best choice, but hey, at least it's not alcohol :D


So, this semester I have to do a group project with a group of girls who are in practically all of my classes (except for ROTC of course), and I have to admit, my group is great, but our project is a piece (of SHIT, for those of you who didn't know where I was going with that). (Boo, it stopped raining.) These girls are smart, but they don't know how to use their intelligence to relate our topic to the real world. It doesn't help that our topic is a little strange.
E. coli growth in different salinity levels.
Yeah.
We're that freaking cool.
Be jealous.

SHE MAY BELIEVE YOU, BUT I NEVER WILL! never again...
(I like Kelly Clarkson)
A trophy wife, oh how cute.

Any ways. I didn't pick this topic, okay? I really had nothing to do with it. I wanted to do nitrogen and phosphorous levels in streams that ran near areas with neighborhoods (before and after rainfall) to see what fertilizers contribute to overall stream quality. Then we could've spin (never again will I kiss you) the environmental angle, and been like "stop polluting our lands!" and smiled like the cute little girls we are. We totally would've gotten an A. Now we're stuck with the "Look, we're odd! Take pity on us"- angle. And that angle is not as much fun to work. I hate having to dress for it.

Did I tell you the rain stopped?
I went outside a few minutes ago, and it had already stopped (5 minutes after it started).
It suck that I can't smell anything right now. I love that 'just-rained' smell.
It makes the world seem a little brighter.


I am obsessed with Mafia Wars on facebook. (On Facebook = a good song by the way. Go listen to it, and other amusing tunes, at www.myspace.com/sbpmd). It's not even that great of a game, but it's addicting. I don't suggest playing it if you don't. Just join my mafia, and never think about it again (*you just lost the game) (I need more people for my mafia, but I don't want to have you addicted too).
But I have $38 million on that game right now. I'm 'ballin'.

My chest hurts.
And I have a pt test next week.
It's going to be an epic fail. And I really wanted to max this one.

Oh well.

So, I might be getting a loft off campus next semester, and sharing it with Ashley for a little over $600 a month. Which is great, because if she decides she doesn't want to go to school anymore (I love this girl to death, but she changes her mind a lot), I won't have too much trouble making rent by myself. With bills and stuff, it'll be about $375 a month.
The only downside is it's about a ten minute drive from campus. So I'm going to need to buy that motorcycle this summer (which would be awesome :D).


Ohh, boy news now :]
So, since I've become single, I've become a target for ROTC boys.
Which really sucks.
Because they're the only people I know, so of course I'm going to want to hang out with them and be friends and all, but that can be mistaken for flirting (I'm assuming only my friends are reading this, so you understand why), and I've had to work a few complicated situations.
Like my best guy friend, Tomas, won't talk to me now. He says he's falling for me and he doesn't want to get hurt. Which I completely understand the hurt part, but I told him from the beginning that I don't want to date him (because he admitted to having a crush on me last semester, before we ever really hung out).
And I feel like I'm leading on some of these boys. I don't mean to be flirty, it's just how I act. And when there are no other girls around, I feel like I can relax and let my guard down (because I always feel like I'm being judged when a girl, who my close friend, is around me). Which leads to guys assuming that I'm interested. Which leads to me having to avoid kisses by pretending to not notice when they lean in. (I'm pro at acting dumb).

HOLY SHIT. One of my roomates is doing the dishes.
Praise the lord!

No, I just checked. She washed one of her pots.

No! She's washing more dishes!
Wow!
It's a miracle!!

I'm going to the gym later. I need to pump some iron so that my pushups aren't an epic fail when I take my next pt test.

Apparently, it's a shame I don't drink.
I learned that at a party this weekend. One of the guys I was playing a drinking game against (President and asshole or something like that) told me so.
I wanted to respond, "Because now you realize you can't take advantage of me because I won't pass out in a few hours." But I didn't. Who knows, he might have had chloroform to use on me if I had been rude.
I don't think that, when I'm older, I'll have to worry about drinking around these guys. They look at me and see my brother, so I'm pretty much off limits. (plus, Ryan says he will beat the first guy who claims to have done anything with me. He wants to break a nose. Nich is in on it too). They (the ones who are friends with Ryan) take care of me like I'm their little sister too :]
It makes me smile.

I know, you're jealous that I have Scooby-Doo gummies vitamins because I can't swallow pills. Please refrain from the foul language.

Did you know I have my salt on my desk. Not spilled, but my container of salt.
It's pretty exciting. It's holding up the toilet paper that I use to blow my nose with.

I think this is me running out of things to say.



Have a nice life.
<3

(OH! And sister comes in 7 days! And Dani comes in an-undetermined-number-of days! And Becca in a-close-but-not-close-enough-for-me-to-remember-the-countdown-well-number-of days!)

Kids these days...

I know I'm just a kid myself, just because I'm 18 doesn't make me grown up.

But I feel like kids these days are entirely too desensitized to things they shouldn't even know about.


-----------
So I started this post like two months ago.
I'm going to finish it now.

I don't know if I told you guys the story or not, but I went to the boys and girls club to volunteer during spring break. I think I'm going to start going back over the summer. It was a lot of fun.

But that's not the point. I was there with one of my ROTC boys. He had volunteered before, so I kept asking questions, making sure I wasn't doing anything wrong.
Apparently, that means I am dating him.
So the little girls I was in charge of took my phone, and I had no problem with it. But they wanted to text people, so I told them to text Jesse (the ROTC boy), because I figured he wouldn't care, and he'd understand (because he was in the next room, and it would be easier and quicker to explain it to him than anyone else).
So they were texting him things like, "I like you" and "Let's go on a date" (they didn't have the cool punctuation and spelling, but you get the point). They all had a turn texting him (there were a lot of repeats), and then, they started changing what they were saying. "I want your babies"- while it does sound like something I would say, I didn't expect it out of smallish children (remember, the group I was watching was girls under 11).
When I told them that that was inappropriate, and took my phone away, the smallest girl there (both in size and age), this six year old angel, asked me, "You are having sex with him, right?"

Holy poop.

SIX YEARS OLD.
Does anyone else find this odd?
I asked her to repeat herself, and thought, for one second, I had misheard her.
I didn't.

Six.

I'm sorry, but that seems a bit young to be discussing sex.
Maybe it was just my mom, but I feel like I didn't learn that until sex-ed in sixth grade.
Like, I had a vague inkling that the stork wasn't real, but I didn't know the logistics of it.


This is one of the reasons I don't want to be a parent.
I don't think I could do it.
Raising a child should not be something left to the common public. I'm sorry, but there are entirely too many stupid people out there. If left to their own devices, they breed, and produce more stupid, uneducated people (watch the movie Idiocracy to see the worst case scenario).
Now, I'm not saying this child was stupid, but just the fact that that was common knowledge led me to believe that she isn't being raised properly. Sorry for being old fashioned, but I think that's a double digit discussion.
And maybe it's not the parents fault. Maybe it's society.
Maybe it's our fault.
Maybe we're not doing enough to help out.
Raising a child should not be left up to just the parents. There's too much at stake. I don't mean to sound, well I don't really know how it sounds, maybe cliche-y, but I think that it takes a village to raise a child. Everyone should be involved.
Maybe the 'everyone' involved now-a-days are the uneducated masses.


I don't know what I'm saying.
I never know what I'm saying.



I'm sorry for rambling.
I have a lot of thoughts, but I can't seem to focus them right now.

Maybe next time I'll have a coherent post.

this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang.

Why can't a girl just want to be single?

Why can't guys understand that?


And why the fuck can't a girl and a guy hang out without speculation about them dating in secret.



Life would be much easier if I was a boy.

oh my.

I'm exhausted.
But I'm passing all events for German Badge so far, so get excited.

I'll post later?

:D

I'm going to a concert tonight.

And this weekend is going to be amazinnnng :D
Just thought you guys should know.

Now, I'm going to get dressed, go to class, and think happy thoughts...
(29 hours until my flight boards!!)

I know, it's a day later than everyone else...

But I felt like telling y'all about my feelings on Valentines day.

First off, it should not be considered a holiday.
Thanks.

Second, if you love someone, you shouldn't spend a shit ton of money just to let them know one day a year.

Third, it's fairly ridiculous how much hype valentines day has gotten. It seems more well advertised than Easter (I was raised Catholic, so I'm pretty certain that it's a little more important than boxes of chocolates).

I hate that girls see this as a day to get lavished on by a guy, and guys see it as a potential to get laid.
I say we get rid of it.

And I'm not just saying all of this because I'm single.
I just think it is all insane.

(although, chocolate covered strawberries being given out in samples is rather nice when you go to the grocery store :])

So, yes.
Have a nice life.
Annddd, tonights the night, I swear.

I feel like making love!

The Office is on. There's a stripper. She's dancing to a song, and now I have that one line stuck in my head ("I feel like making love").



Anyways... I know, I'm weird.


So, I've become obsessed with my Netflix. I am constantly watching things online. And I have one of those four dvd's at a time ones, so I always have a movie at home :]
If you have any suggestions, please leave comments.
I do have a 400+ movie queue.
But I'll get to it eventually.





So, there was a boy who asked me to come over to watch The Office. I was excited. I like that show, and he just got a new TV.

But it turns out, he wants to not watch the show.

He's been telling people he and I are going to have sex.



It really pissed me off.



And kind of scared me... Brother says be careful, and don't drink anything he gives me.

Anyways, I've been writing this post for a few days.
I think I'll submit it now.
Even though it doesn't really say much.
None of my updates ever do.

Have a nice saturday everyone.

I can do it.

12 miles.
21.5 pounds.
3 hours.


It's do-able, right?

Do you know what irks me?

The retards in my classes who think that they're better than me. The ones in the honors program, who see me, and give me a look as if to say "What are you doing here?"

Just because I don't feel the need to make sure everyone around me is informed that I'm intelligent, doesn't make me any less deserving than you, and less intelligent than you.
I don't have to rub right answers in every ones faces.


Go die in a hole.

I'm too...

...weak to go to Airborne.
:[

And they probably won't get any slots for Northern Warfare Training (that's my top choice).
It's a two week program in the summer in Alaska. It's apparently very physically and mentally demanding, and I would really love the opportunity to try.
But sadly, we're a small school, and probably won't get the slot to Northern.
Plus, we had a cadet fail Mountain Warfare, so they're less likely to open a spot for us.

On a happier note, I'm eating chicken noodle soup for breakfast :]
And I'm going rapelling today!

I know, you're jealous.


Come do ROTC with me, and you can join the excitement :]

You know what?

I want to take a camping trip this summer.
A week without electronics.
A week in the woods.


Who wants to go with me?

Does anyone own a copy of...

"How to be proposed to: a tale of kittens and rapists"

I'm proposing to a boy on the fourth of July, and I want to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Do you know what?

My friends.

They're all amazing people.
And they don't even know it.
For the most part, my friends are horribly self conscious. They can't see the qualities that make them unique, that make them the great people I love to be around. Most of them end up dwelling on their negative traits (we all have them), and don't see themselves as they should.

I think they all need a little more confidence.
I'm pretty sure everyone does.

But my friends are spectacular. They're smart, funny, talented, beautiful (inside and out), caring, selfless people. I hope they know.

I'm quite positive I wouldn't be who I am without each and everyone of them.

I want you guys to know, you've made a difference in someones life.
Thanks.

I really do love each and every one of you.

I have a friend...

Who is in a destructive relationship.

He treats her like crap, demands all her time, then when he puts the slightest amount of effort into their relationship, she dwells on that. I know that it's an unhealthy relationship. I mean, I haven't had much experience, but I think I know what a good relationship entails.

He broke up with her today. Just a few hours ago.

She had just gone to visit him (and paid over $400 to do so).

You see, they've been best friends for years, and he claims that he's been in love with her for as long as he has known her. They're in one of those relationships where the couple is always fighting, and very on again off again. He lives in Florida, she lives here in Texas.

He called her tonight and said that he loves her, but he can't deal with her, she's not exciting enough, and he can't be with her anymore.


I love this girl, but I really think she's better off.
I'm sure he's a nice guy, but he keeps putting her through all of this crap. She'd be happier if she just moved on and found someone here.

So after he broke up with her, he called her. Again. And again. And again. She didn't pick up.
She said she didn't want to cry in front of people.



I would like to propose a new plan to solve these issues.
Lock all the male humans up in basements and jails and what-not. Take them out once a year to reproduce. Lock them back up when their job is done.





Also, what the heck am I supposed to wear to an ABC party?
And I need the handbook on speaking guy. Apparently, I'm not very good at it. I thought going over to someones house to watch The Office actually meant going over to someones house to watch The Office.

I'm not really...

...one to come up with exciting new posts.
I just made this to keep an online diary...


Why is it that some of my friends have more creativity in one sentence than people like me have in their entire repertoire?
I mean, I'm smart, I'm physically fit, I'm determined.
Why can't I come up with the exciting new interesting things?
My 'creativity' is always overdone. I can't come up with new things.

Are you born with your creativity? Is it something you can learn?

I wish I was more entertaining.

I wish I could post things on this that people would actually enjoy reading.


I'm going to try.

OH, and I got Scooby-Doo gummy vitamins! I can finally get healthy and enjoy it :D

I have...

A very nice older brother :]

I'm feeling a little better today :]

I think being busy makes me distracted enough that I don't have time to bring myself down.

I've got a busy day, and a busy weekend :]
So, maybe I'll continue to get better.

After all, German badge is in a few weeks. I have to be ready. I have to get gold.

Study time :] I have two quizes coming up in less than 2 hours. Gots to be ready!

Have a nice day ya'll!

Blahh.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'm tired all the time. I have problems sleeping. I have headaches constantly. I get winded walking up the stairs. I get dizzy when I stand up. I cry all the time (for no reason). I'm not hungry. I get nauseous when I eat. My whole body shakes for no reason (mostly just when I'm standing up)

I had to drop out of a battalion run on Tuesday. I never do that. I'm the fastest girl in the battalion. I've never dropped out of a run before. I almost blacked out.
The Colonel took me to the hospital today to get registered so that I could make an appointment to see the doctor.

My brother thinks I'm depressed. He called my dad and told him. So my dad told my mom, and my mom called me twice today. That's more than she called me all of last semester combined.
My dad sent me an email with a link to colleges in Maryland that had Army ROTC and dental programs. He said I should go to Johns Hopkins, but it's insanely expensive. I couldn't afford that (even though it would be so great to go there).

eh, I'll probably end up toughing it out.


On a happier note, I won $1000 today :]

So,

I chickened out again.

He doesn't want to talk to me anyways.

But I'm watching a good movie :]
Good Will Hunting.
I like it.


PT in the morning.
But I'll write something more interesting tomorrow.

I felt very...

...productive today.
I turned in all of my assignments on time, got to my classes on time, and I even went to a study session.
All without a single drop of caffeine :]

Wow, another one today! I really don't have a life...

I don't know what to believe about love. I want to think that there are just certain people who are made for each other, that nothing can keep them apart. I want to believe that even those perfect matches will have a few ups and downs, but that there are people who are just meant to be. I want to believe that I've found him, that I just have to wait until I'm back in Maryland permanently for it to be all better.

But what I'm starting to think is that it won't work. I am in love with a boy who doesn't love me back. It's bound to happen at least once in our lifetime, right? Maybe this is just something that I have to get over. I know I don't want to, I know I'd rather he took me back, accepted my faults, and things went back to the way they were.
I know I fucked up. I've kicked myself over it for two months.
I've ruined the only relationship that meant something to me.

I mean, I've had a few boyfriends, but I've never been attached to someone like this.
I don't know what to do.

And now I'm crying again. I've been a bundle of emotions for the past few months. It doesn't take more than his name to send me into a depressive mood, and me dwelling on it sends me into a fit of tears.

How do you fix a broken heart?
Can you fix a broken heart?

Maybe I have to give it a lot of time.
Two months can't be long enough.

I know I should stop trying to hear his voice. I should stop trying to chat with him every time he's online. I should stop obsessing over every little thing he does.
I can't help it. He's absolutely the most perfect guy I've ever met.
He's everything I've ever hoped for in a guy.

Except the whole loving me back thing.

God, I'm such a stalker.
I'm listening to his music right now.
It's the only way I can listen to his voice.

I'm too afraid to call him.
I don't want the rejection again.

Yeah, again. I asked him out a little over a month ago. He said no. I should have just accepted that he didn't want me.
I guess I just like to torture myself with knowing I've lost someone absolutely amazing.

I came back to school to be asked out by the guy who caused all the drama in the first place.
I shouldn't blame him for the fiasco.
I tried to find someone here who I could connect with, and I ended up becoming friends with a guy who reminded me of my now ex. He made a few jokes that reminded me of my guy, and I thought, 'See, there are other great guys out there. Long distance doesn't work, I should move on.' And now that's practically the only regret I have in my life.
Anyways, I turned down the boy, and he cried. He said I strung him on, and it was unfair.
I wanted to shout at him. He was blaming me.
And he was right to blame me.
But I didn't want to accept that blame yet.
I do accept it.
But I don't want to face the consequences.
I don't want to lose him (even though I already have).

It sucks.

I'm an 18 year old shut-in

It's the weekend. I'm a college student.
That should mean I'm off getting 'krunk', partying, doing drugs, whatever it is kids do now a days. I'm a rare species of college student.

I don't drink.
I don't do drugs.
I don't have sex (I'm waiting until marriage).
I don't party.

I'm not anti-social. I just haven't found my group here in Texas. I found them in Maryland. Hopefully I'll find them here.

I do spend some time with the ROTC kids. I'm a cadet in the program here, so I've made a few friends through that.

But they spend their time with me trying to get me to be more like them (getting wasted every time they have enough money for the alcohol).
I had one idiot try to force feed me a margarita on Friday.

That's when I left.

(I was at my brothers place for the food. His roommate cooked for us.)

I'm not a typical kid.
If you've ever seen Family Guy, I'm the Meg of the family.
Except, they're all suspicious that I'm actually trying to become a prostitute or something.

My family annoys me at times, but they're family, so that's what they're here for.


So, instead of going out for the weekend, I've spend my days sitting in my room, surfing the interweb and watching TV (which I just bought! I was so excited :]).

I know, my life is thrilling.
I don't know how you can bear it.
I bet you're in awe of the amazingness in my life.

I bet no one is reading this.

Except, maybe me.

If you're not me, and you've read this entry, please comment. Even if you're some random person. I just want to see who reads this. If anyone does.

I know, two blogs in one day...

So, I've been pretty excited to have my first blog.
I've been creeping on other people, to see what has been done.

A lot of the blogs were in different languages.
A lot of the blogs were only used once.
A lot of the blogs were full of pictures.

A lot of the blogs I've seen were created when I was still in elementary school. I feel young.


What am I saying? I am young.


We young people take our youth for granted. We're trying to grow up too quickly. When I was 8, I couldn't wait to finally be 10 (be in the double digits). When I was 10, I couldn't wait to be 13 (being a teenager was going to be great!). When I was 13, it was 16 I was looing foward to (who couldn't wait to drive?). I think you get the picture...
Why can't we just enjoy the life and time we have?

When I'm old, and I look back at my life, I want to be able to say that I enjoyed my childhood, that my youth wasn't wasted waiting for the future, rather, I spent my time relishing in the present.

The first blog

So, I felt the need to write things down. I have an atrocious memory, one I'd like to thank my Mom for, and I felt like this might help me remember the little things I tend to forget.

I really don't expect people to read this.
Ever.

But I do want somewhere I can put my thoughts down.
And just typing them into word seemed lame.

Of course, my writing in general is lame. But, hopefully, it will improve.
If not, that's okay. I only need enough to get me into (and through) dental school.
I don't expect to be an author.
Or even an Anne Frank of bloggers. (I'm not a jew ;])


I just needed somewhere to vent so that my friends don't hate me for shoveling all my negativity into their lives. Something I can read when I'm bored in my old age.

I guess I'll introduce where I am at this point in my life.
I'm 18, a college student in Texas, a Maryland girl at heart.
I'm currently stuck in a constant depressive state.
All over a boy.
I know, I'm a silly little girl, there are other fish in the sea, I'll get over it, blah blah blah. Maybe I just need time. For now though, I am obsessed with keeping in contact with a boy who probably despises me.
I should move on.
It's not healthy, this mood I've been in.
I don't feel like eating, going out, even leaving my bed (or computer).
Wow, I sound suicidal. I'm not, I swear.
I'm actually terrified of dying. And that's the only reason I've decided I don't need psychological help. I'll muck through it.

I have a feeling he likes another girl.
One who shares my name.
Ironic, right?

I don't blame him. I mean, I'm 1800 miles away. We tried the whole distance thing, I was a disgrace of a girlfriend, and I hurt him.
He's a great guy, and he deserves to be happy.

I'm just bitter.

It doesn't help that Valentines day is coming up.
I've never understood the attraction of Valentines day. I mean, when I was younger, I always hoped that when I was old enough to have a boyfriend, he'd bring me chocolate and flowers and we'd have a picnic and camp out under the stars.
And I've never had a boyfriend for the 'holiday'.
I sound bitter.

I guess I am.
I figured this would be the year, and I screwed myself over.

I'm going to buy myself chocolate and hole up in my room and have a movie marathon.
Unhealthy, yes.
Fun, maybe.
The only option for the day, most definately.

I know, I'm a loser.
I've known for years.