The first blog

So, I felt the need to write things down. I have an atrocious memory, one I'd like to thank my Mom for, and I felt like this might help me remember the little things I tend to forget.

I really don't expect people to read this.
Ever.

But I do want somewhere I can put my thoughts down.
And just typing them into word seemed lame.

Of course, my writing in general is lame. But, hopefully, it will improve.
If not, that's okay. I only need enough to get me into (and through) dental school.
I don't expect to be an author.
Or even an Anne Frank of bloggers. (I'm not a jew ;])


I just needed somewhere to vent so that my friends don't hate me for shoveling all my negativity into their lives. Something I can read when I'm bored in my old age.

I guess I'll introduce where I am at this point in my life.
I'm 18, a college student in Texas, a Maryland girl at heart.
I'm currently stuck in a constant depressive state.
All over a boy.
I know, I'm a silly little girl, there are other fish in the sea, I'll get over it, blah blah blah. Maybe I just need time. For now though, I am obsessed with keeping in contact with a boy who probably despises me.
I should move on.
It's not healthy, this mood I've been in.
I don't feel like eating, going out, even leaving my bed (or computer).
Wow, I sound suicidal. I'm not, I swear.
I'm actually terrified of dying. And that's the only reason I've decided I don't need psychological help. I'll muck through it.

I have a feeling he likes another girl.
One who shares my name.
Ironic, right?

I don't blame him. I mean, I'm 1800 miles away. We tried the whole distance thing, I was a disgrace of a girlfriend, and I hurt him.
He's a great guy, and he deserves to be happy.

I'm just bitter.

It doesn't help that Valentines day is coming up.
I've never understood the attraction of Valentines day. I mean, when I was younger, I always hoped that when I was old enough to have a boyfriend, he'd bring me chocolate and flowers and we'd have a picnic and camp out under the stars.
And I've never had a boyfriend for the 'holiday'.
I sound bitter.

I guess I am.
I figured this would be the year, and I screwed myself over.

I'm going to buy myself chocolate and hole up in my room and have a movie marathon.
Unhealthy, yes.
Fun, maybe.
The only option for the day, most definately.

I know, I'm a loser.
I've known for years.